-
…forget to open
mail from your lawyer, including certified mail, email and regular
mail [open all mail from your lawyer promptly; an issue of importance
might be overlooked if you do not].
-
…assume that your
phone conversations with your spouse may not be being recorded
[prudence demands and our years of experience confirm that you should
assume your spouse MAY BE recording these conversations so be guided
accordingly; recording one’s own phone conversations may be considered
legal in NJ].
-
…assume that your
email, sent and received, and your mail to and from your home are
secure and private [while intercepting others’ email and/or mail is
probably illegal, this doesn’t mean your spouse, or an investigator
hired by your spouse, won’t try to do so; get a PO Box that only you
can access, and a new email account–free at yahoo.com or hotmail.com—which
you can access outside the home, and remember, email is forever and
can usually be retrieved from a hard drive].
-
…leave behind with
your spouse the only copies of your financial records and important
documents you will need for your case when and if you move out of the
marital home [if contemplating or involved in a divorce, copy a full
set of everything for the last 5 years; this may save endless fighting
later over obtaining needed documentation to prove your case].
-
…tell your deepest
secrets to lovers, in-laws, relatives or friends; they can become
witnesses, willingly or unwillingly [do tell your lawyer everything
and don’t discuss your case with anyone else, except your therapist,
if necessary].
-
…right before or
during the divorce purchase luxury items for yourself or a lover, or
take lavish vacations, as such expenses will affect the outcome of the
case [spend prudently and conserve your resources].
-
…sign any financial
applications under oath which conflict with your financial Case
Information Statement or other documents you file in your divorce case
[such inconsistencies will impact your credibility with the judge
hearing your case, and might even be criminal].
-
…cut back your work
hours voluntarily or voluntarily quit a job to affect your income so
your spouse will “have to” support you or so your support obligation
to your spouse and/or children will be less [courts see through this
and can and will impute income to you based on your work history and
ability to work].
-
…pay your spouse in
cash for child support or alimony [always leave a paper trail, i.e.
checks or money orders with receipts; cash payments can’t be
documented later if needed].
-
…put off your
health care and/or annual health exams [a change in your health that
impacts your life has an effect on your divorce case and should be
revealed to your lawyer].
-
…terminate or
modify any of your insurance coverage or beneficiaries until the case
is over [the law requires that you leave all insurance coverage in
place and you must certify this to the court].
-
…say bad things to
your children about the other parent’s actions, personality or
character [the courts look at such talk as violating the children’s
right to form and maintain a good relationship with both parents].
-
…involve the
children in your disagreements with your spouse or your divorce action
[courts protect the best interests of children regardless of what the
parents may want and will not react favorably to attempts to involve
the children in the parents’ problems].
-
…show court
documents and attorney letters to the children.
-
…make the children
feel guilty about loving both parents.
-
…flaunt a new
romantic interest to your spouse and/or children.
-
…enter into
tension-producing conversations with your spouse that will only lead
to anger and escalation [you hired an attorney to represent you so let
her/him do so].
-
…fail to obey any
and all court orders issued in your case, especially ones about
custody and parenting time [interfering with custody and parenting
time can be a criminal violation and may lead to a loss of custody or
parenting time privileges].
-
…drink alcohol or
use drugs in front of your spouse and/or children.
-
…begin or continue
to indulge in gambling, i.e. trips to Atlantic City, Las Vegas, or the
racetrack, if your finances cannot support such risks [dissipating
marital assets is one fault that can be taken into consideration even
in a “no-fault” divorce based on separation].
